Its not Secret Garden, its Hyun Bin!

Yes, even after all the praise and the never ending buzz about Secret Garden, nothing has actually moved me to watch it. Emmm.. even when the yummy Hyun Bin stars in it. Why? I suppose, I am not a big fan of Ha Ji Won. I have not really seen much of her stuffs, but lets says, after Love so Divine, I am not really crazy about her.

So, why change my mind now. Been watching World Within again, for the second time, trying to understand Jio’s character, and reassess why the sudden break up of a seemingly fast yet short lived love affair between him and his on screen partner. Everyone who knows me, knows I love SHG. And although, the “real” drama is off, between them now before HB went to the army, I am still struggling, trying to understand what went on screen that caused the tension between them in WW. So, on my nostalgic walk, I thought, gees.. we won’t be seeing much of this “ladies” man .. I started missing his work. And with all the major pimp work between my two Korean crazy friends, I thought I probably should give it a try. Hence, the journey to this secret garden begins. Let me see if I could discover any hidden secrets, while trying to reminisce the works of a good yummy actor by the name of Hyun Bin.

Friday the 13th, 2011

Is that why all the movie channels are showing Jason, the last few nights, and again, the coming few nights? Gosh, I am gonna have a difficult time, explaining to my son, if he happens to catch a glimpse of the movie, when we browse the channels. Anyway, what is Friday the 13th to me, funny, when I asked myself that last night, I was like duhhhhhhhhhh….I don’t dig friggatriskaidekaphobia. Does people really suffer from this?

But today, back in where I am, it is Friday the 13th, and it is a black Friday. You know why, because James Durbin was just voted off from American Idol!!!!! This is so amazingly insane, because 1 or 2 of the surviving contestants were so mediocre, so pale in comparison. This is crazy. Crazy indeed.

Need to get a hold of myself. Let me just try to calm down and remind myself that, this is popularity contest, a singing competition cum popularity contest. I guess, James was beaten out by those who have a bigger fan base, and there are people out there, who was probably tired of hearing him scream. We have another Pia shocker here, so what will the producers say.. James was never a front runner??? Are you kidding me?

Okay, I am obviously still pissed. So, not a good time, to reason myself out.

Black Friday it is. My daughter is covered with red spots all over, heat rash after days of on and off fever. I am stuck with migraine that is so madly in love with me & can’t seem to leave me alone, emmm… wonder how black could it get.

My hubby always says, once you go black, you can never go back. Not true, I still have the whole day, to bring some colours in!

So, we’ll see.

Finally, I have seen the last few episodes of My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, after attempting to do so, several times! One of my close friends told me, to beware of the ending. It will cause a tear or two, something that I am never prepared for. It’s the last thing I need after a long day at work, settle down on my couch, and feeling depressed over some tv shows! We paid to get entertained, not to get bullied to tears. Fortunately, it was not that bad.

You know what’s bad? Having to see Stefano left AI and seeing James Durbin jumped on his pal, moments after Stefano, finished his last performance. Tears just came, unstoppable. That is genuinely sad to me. I really felt it. Weird, but its true. Well, no matter what, AI is just a competition; the real journey starts out there. Hoping all will stay true to themselves and do well after AI! And with the final seven cut to final six, then six to five, and later five to four, where am I really? Neither here or there. Kinda lost interest, in a way.

We have James, Scott, Hailey & Lauren. Emm, is this like an equal battle, may not be the case, but who knows? Honestly, I am surprised that Hailey made it this far. No offence, and although she obviously improved in the last few weeks, I thought she just didn’t shine as well, compared to her peers. And James really did wonders when he performed during the Carole King week. That must have been the best of his performance so far. So good, that I was hoping for something similar if not better when he took the stage last week, with not one, but two songs. I liked the second one better than the first, although it was not vocally perfect, but who wouldn’t like James. He showed who he is. A true artist, with vulnerability that we could relate to. He is just so real. And for that, I salute him. As for Scott, the guy with the voice. Although, he probably sounds the same every week, he has grown so much as a performer, and in his own merits. Lauren, she has the voice, but would she go far, after Kelly? And Hailey, I don’t know. The problem I have with her, she is just forgettable. Maybe, I am just hung up on the guys. :)

So, I am still rooting for James & Scott in the final two. And am really hoping that would be the case, and is expecting and hoping for a great FINALE. I mean, after the huge upset most of us suffered when Adam lost, and the sleepy AI a year later, am hoping for a blast this year, before I take off for a short vacation with my family in May.

AI, hope you won’t disappoint me three years in a row :)

The Art Of War

Sometimes, people need a mistake to wake them up, and in Idol’s case, 2 mistakes perhaps?(hopefully).

I am not a fan of Pia since she took the last bus to dull-ville sometime back, but I never expected her to be out of the game, THIS soon. In fact, I was still rooting for her to be in the final two, with beloved James, until Scotty fever grew on me. Having said that, when they put her in the bottom three with Stefano & Jacob, I thought we would see the last of Stefano, until Pia was called instead. I was shocked, but not surprised!

In the history of Idols, plus other similar reality shows, results like these, dubbed as mistakes, are really not that strange. Every contestant has their own fan base. In fact, the real battle here are between the fans who voted, and not the contestants, per say.

So, Pia, is now, voted off, everyone is talking about the shocking elimination, and perhaps, finding faults, but what can we say, really? She just didn’t get enough votes, there could be people who didn’t vote for her, thinking that others would, but no one really knew, until the results were released.

After Casey, does America need another mistake to wake them up? Do they? And is this a mistake after all? No one is new to this game. We all know, a reality and popularity competition like AI, needs more than a good vocal to get to the finals, we call that “a strong fan base”. A big group of people who won’t bother about the rest, but just keep voting for their favourites, and these are the people who will eventually decide, who will be in the top two. These are the people who will eventually buy the new idol’s records, and support them all the way! In the end, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

So, to fans of Scotty, James, Jacob, Lauren, Hailey, Stefano, Paul & Casey, who is Pia to them? She is just a competitor, and she needs to get LOST! Sorry, but that is a fact. And although we see her as an Idol material, to the fans of others, she is a threat. This is not merely a singing competition, but a popularity game, and the one with the bigger support group, can call the shot! This is the art of war, AI’s very own, art of war! And that has always been the rule!

My only hope now is, to have James & Scotty in the final two. It will be a battle between country & rock. And if both of them play their cards right, in places where it counts, they could end up being there, BATTLING it out!

I can’t help thinking whether the judges regretted using their save vote on Casey, and whether they would have used their save vote, if they knew, Pia would be eliminated this week?

AI, I don’t mind you driving me nuts, just don’t drive me mad.

Eleven Minus Two?

I am not a fan of Elton John, however I must say, he is an incredible artist, legendary in his own rights. His music has never been my cup of tea so I was not that thrilled about this week’s theme. But after seeing the top 11 performed last night, it was kind of refreshing to hear how some of Elton’s numbers were given new arrangements. I liked what I heard, although some went a little bit too far.

The whole “Casey” elimination drama should never have been played that much. Ryan, should really tone it down a bit, as it adds too much of salt to an already salty pie. Having said that, I am really hoping that no such surprises will take place this week.

I am going to be honest; I am a “bias” person. I only look forward to my favorites and that means, I listen to probably just few seconds of each contestants, not in “my list”, unless I find something interesting and encourage me for a longer stay. This is a singing competition, everyone can sing on this show, but the whole idea is to find that “someone” who stands out, not just vocally, but in PERSON! The glamorous word for it is perhaps the X-Factor. It’s that unknown reason that drives you to keep wanting more from an artist, and you don’t even know what it is. There’s a combination of suspense, and other elements that draws you more to the performance & the overall show. An AI is actually a stage to look for the “next to be” and not “someone who is already there”, cause it pays more to be “one of a kind” rather than “a similar kind”.

So, what happened last night?
1. Scottie
Scottie… Scottie ..Scottie, he is perhaps the only contestant, who looks so comfortable week in and out, singing country, pretty safe in his comfort zone. And last night, he showed a side of him that I’ve never seen. Like what Randy says, he’s seasoned so fast, yes, and he sinked in to it like a pro. Although he is not versatile, what the heck, who wouldn’t want to keep him in the show?

2. Naima
Although I appreciate her effort to give a different kind of twist to the song, the results to me, were both weird, and disrespectful. She didn’t do any justice to the song.

3. Paul
Ok, to be fair, Paul is an interesting star to be. He is original and his voice is unique. You can only like or hate this kind of talent. Unfortunately, I am just not a fan.

4. Pia
She can nail any ballads. She has proven that week in and week out. But there’s something about her that I find pretty disturbing. She came out strong in the first week, but later on, she decided to take a road trip to dull-ville, without looking back. I am just bored. How odd is that, cause she is so pretty, and sings like Celine, maybe that’s what it is, we already have Celine Dion!

5. Thia
She is just too “plain” for this year’s group of talents. Not strong enough.

6. Stefano
Too bad, I was really hoping he would redeem himself, to me, the performance last night, was not it.

7. Casey
I hated the drama, but I must say, he did well to prove he deserved to be there

8. Jacob
He gives me the impression, that he loves exaggeration. Sometimes, being less is better.

9. Hailey
She probably did her best last night, but I won’t call it the best of the night. Problem I have with Hailey is, she is forgettable. Up to last night, she was really playing it safe. I don’t know. Even after seeing her last night, I find her shifting from “forgettable” to trying way too hard :(

10. Lauren
I liked her. Better than Pia. I hope she will stay.

11. James
He is the guy I have been “rooting for”, to win this season. And after my huge disappointment with Adam, I hope America won’t let me down this time. However, last night’s show to me was way too crazy. It’s probably different being among a live audience, but watching from home, with the whole fire thingy.. gees.. a little bit too much for my taste. Anyhow, I wish he would take on something slower, perhaps a ballad, to show us another side of him that we have not seen. I think, if he does that, with the right number, he could secure his spot in the final two.

I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about the masses of sardines, fishes of all kinds surfacing in the island of Mexico. I have a bad feeling about it, a really bad one. Well, Mother Nature is “mad”, we just hope she is forgiving enough, for now.

With these strange thoughts and worries in my mind, I hope to see, Naima & Hailey go.
But I think, Stefano & Thia or even Paul may be sent home.

My Korean Drama fever is BACK, for GOOD!

I won’t say I got hit bad, but bad enough to give “me” a mild fever! That to “me” is a big “breakthrough” cause I am sort of Korean drama vaccinated, having seen so many of its kind, nothing could flatter me much. And as I was not desperately looking, something came knocking on my door. And who is the CULPRIT? It’s the cute, and refreshing, tale of My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, also fondly known as my Girlfriend is a Nine Tailed Fox!

I started watching this drama out of curiosity, and also because it was the first thing that came on, when I tuned in to Astro One HD, after swapping my Astro Max. This whole swapping thing has been on our neck for the last couple of months, and so, the new decoder and whatever came with it, didn’t come by with a friendly tone as it was packaged with months of annoying phone calls & reminder notes from the Astro service centre. My ex-boyfriend, hubby, sworn other half & I, were both skeptical about the new service, almost in denial, and we really hate to confirm that it was a different kind of viewing experience after all, which was better but again costlier. Well, having said that, if you live in an entertainment deprived town like we do, any price may sound reasonable, although ridiculously crazy to others.

I’ve been “somewhat” glued to Star World lately, and AmericanIdol.net, on performances, news and recaps of the American Idol this season. Although, nothing hit me as bad as Adam-nami, this season does send some chills down my spine. Thank God, I needed that.

Now, back to the “Miho” who has “Gu” tails and swept my heart away, it is a South Korean romantic 16 episode series broadcasted by SBS last year, with Lee Seung Gi & Shin Min Ah, as the main leads. Now, I have not seen Brilliant Legacy, but I have actually seen Seung Gi in 1 Night Two Days when it first showed on KBS World. And I also didn’t know that Seung Gi is a singer with many albums to his name. Similarly, I have heard of Shin Min Ah, but I have not actually seen many of her stuffs, so I was not that “turned on” when the drama made its debut in 2010. But again, I was a bit lost last year. After my hyper loud Korean looking Christi Ann is born, fears occupied my mind, many months before my lasik surgery in October, before excitement and anticipation, again kicked in due to our year end Korea Trip. My sister and I was hoping we could see Lee Min Ho, but sadly, we saw many Lee Min Ho wanna be’s instead :(

From the same writers of My Girl, My Delightful Girl Chun Yang & He is Beautiful, it was all “sweet” when I started to pick up the drama between Cha Dae Wong & Miho in episode 6, four weeks ago. I am now, down to episode 12, and somehow am still stuck there, debating on whether I should end something so nice, so soon.. this soon?

Now, for a quick run-through, the story is about Seung Gi, or Dae Wong, who accidentally released a legendary nine tailed fox that was trapped in a painting. There were a lot of funny, touchy and unpredictable scenes entails right after. But the whole catch is when the two main leads, fell in love, when in a way, they were not supposed to. The fox, needed 100 days to become human. And Seung Gi, needed her magic fox bead to stay “fit” and miraculously strong for his action flicked movie! I know, how can something that sounds so supernaturally insane be so entertaining? It IS!

So, without even finishing this “crazy” and addictive drama, I would like to put it on my highly recommended list! Because of the plot, and the storyline itself, it deserves more than a two thumbs up!

So Dae Wong & Mi Ho.. ah..,please don’t ruin my ending. And did I mention the male supporting lead is “deliciously” yummy????

This is what good TV is all about!

American Idol: Top Ten Results Show!

When more than that, is a CROWD!

The Motown week was good for everyone. That’s what I read in the reviews cause, I was only interested to see my favourite contestants performed! Having said that, I was surprised to see Thia, Stefano & Casey in the bottom three. Thia? Well, yes, the girl is boring, she is so boring that I wanted to shut off the TV when its her turn to sing, and its such a waste cause she has the looks, and she has the “voice” but she just lack personality and “emotion” that again, comes with age & experience, so I wasn’t feeling it. But I thought, she had some great support from her young fans! Stefano, is to me, a man version of Pia, and like what I said earlier, could be the under dog for this season, and Casey, he is like, the judges “pet puppy” this season. I was surprised to find out that Haley & Naima, were not even in the bottom three, and how in the end, Casey was called out to sing that last note, to convince the judges, he deserves to stay.

Put it this way, I have nothing against Casey. He is talented, no doubt. And although I don’t like his beard, I find him pretty unique, and the man is damn good with musical instruments. But using the only save vote for the session to keep him, at this early stage of the competition, isn’t that a WASTE?


This week, we get to keep the judges favourite, however next week, two will have to vacant their seats! I hope we will not see some of our favourites leave!

My top four
1. James Durbin
2. Pia
3. Scotty
4. Stefano

I would like to see James & Pia, battling it out in the Finals and James taking the Crown with him.

Anything could happen in the World of the Idols, hope I won’t be too surprise next week!

So Who Sailed Through?

Results show, came quick but not easy. It was a little bit draggy, but again, that’s like the “trademark” of AI, apart from it being a singing competition, the “dramatic” element has to be there.

In the end, the final 13 contestants were decided, and what do I think?

For the boys,
Most of my prediction came true, a little sad to see Brett & Robbie gone. But hey, you guys can always try your luck with Simon’s show, and that, to me, would be a much bigger challenge! And since James is really growing on me, thanks to the “Adam’s” factor, was really happy to see that his good pal made it through, and I must say, Stefano is one to look out for too. Dark horse, you’ll never know!

For the girls,
What can I say, a little surprised that Julie didn’t make it. Not because she stood out during her performance, but she was really one of the judges favorite, especially J.Lo since the start. Sad, she did not even make it for the wild card round. That’s a huge price to pay for choosing the wrong song!

Having said all that, many would probably agree that the show would be more exciting than last season’s AI.

So, would I be looking forward to it, yes. Would I tune in, yes. Would I sit through the show till the end, maybe. Will there be an “Adam Lambert” for me, don’t count on it!

Happy weekend everyone!

Will there be a "Kelly" or a "Carrie" this Year?

There was a rumor that AI is “desperately” looking for a woman in this year’s competition, and the way, some of the front runners were given more airtime compared to the rest probably did shed some “light” into the hype. And if this, at all make any sense, the competition is no longer just about the 12 female finalists, but it would be a competition among last female winners as well. We have seen how Kelly & Carrie made it right to the top, will there be “one” in this year’s American Idol? And if there is one, will she take the “crown” and most importantly, can she make it as big as Kelly & Carrie?

I didn’t have the privilege to watch the prime time show on Astro, as something way more important was planned for last night. It was my princess one year old birthday dinner. There was a full 8 meal course, with dessert and a two KG cake waiting, and I had to leave, putting my Astro Max on standby for the recording.

And after, consuming more calories that I could take, we came home, exhausted. I tuned in to channel 999, and played the recorded AI, hoping I could sit through it. I don’t know what it was, but I did not give the show its equal share of attention, as I fast forwarded many performances after just 5 seconds of hearing each performance. And this is what; the 35 year old me, heard last night,

Ashton Jones
My say: Stage presence, yes. Strong vocals, yes. Likeability, not bad
Song Choice: Are you kidding me?
Verdict: We already have Fantasia, could she be better? Otherwise, what’s the point?

Haley Reinhart
My say: Stage presence, no. Strong vocals, yes. Likeability, neutral
Song choice: Are you kidding me?
Verdict: Forgettable

Julie Gorilla
My say: Stage presence, yes. Strong vocals, yes (if based on Hollywood week), Likeability, almost addictive
Song Choice: Are you kidding me?
Verdict: She will be safe

Karen Rodriguez
My say: Stage presence, yes. Strong vocals, yes, Likeability, not bad
Song Choice: Are you kidding me?
Verdict: Could have done better

Kendra Chantelle
My say: Stage presence, weak. Strong vocals, yes (if based on Hollywood week), Likeability, neutral
Song Choice: Are you kidding me
Verdict: She blew her chance

Lauren Alaina
My say: Stage presence, yes. Strong vocals, yes, Likeability: yes, (if they don’t play too much of the stevie card)
Song Choice: Are you kidding me
Verdict: She will sail through

Lauren Turner
My say: Stage presence, which one again?, Strong vocals, can’t remember, Likeability, which one again?
Song choice: Duh… which one again?
Verdict: Does it matter?

Naima Adedapo
My say: Stage presence, yes, Strong vocals, yes. Likeability, yes
Song Choice: Are you kidding me?
Verdict: May not be the first choice

Pia Toscano
My say: Stage presence, yes, Strong vocals, yes. Likeability, Yes
Song Choice: Smart
Verdict: She is known as a pretty face to me, but last night, she proved that she’s in to win, she was the best out of the bunch!

Rachel Zevita
My say: Stage presence, yes, Strong vocals, lukewarm, Likeability, Yes
Song Choice: Not my cup of tea
Verdict: The fact that she’s been “trying out” in the previous idols, yet, not hitting the jackpot, and how Ryan kept bringing that up, might not really help her here!

Ta-Tynisa Wilson
My say: Stage presence, zzzzzzzz, Strong vocals,zzzzzzzz, Likeability, zzzzzzzz
Song Choice: Oh my God!
Verdict: Nothing personal, but shoot me, if she’s in

Thia Megia
My say: Stage presence, yes, Strong vocals, yes, Likeability, yes
Song Choice: The smartest of the bunch
Verdict: Shoot me, if she’s not in!

Perhaps, I am harder on the girls, but hey, we are looking for the next Kelly or Carrie, big act to follow!

So, I am going to cut this short. My prediction for the Top Five
Pia Toscano
Thia Megia
Lauren Alaina
Julie Zorrilla
Ashton Jones

Results show, tonight! Am I excited, no. Will I tune in, yes. Will I bitch about it tomorrow, we’ll see!

Reality Shows Fever!

I remember, swearing to myself that I would not tune in to AI since Adam lost the crown. I mean, people just “literally” took away the crown from him, he was the clear winner and they robbed it off him, just because of the “gay” issue? I was devastated as I followed his performance since audition day, and his star quality was just undeniable. And his performances on AI stage, were indeed way too good, he was indeed in his own class. There could never be another Adam Lambert, period!

Last year, when AI called for more talents to come by, I tuned in, only to savior the last few moments of seeing Simon Cowell on AI. Let’s face it, I somehow find the man irresistibly attractive, and although he was always “moody” with his choice of words, I find his comments always- spot on, and he is indeed a very seasoned judge who knows a good apple from the first sight, without getting a bite! And, I’ve always loved Randy too, and Ellen kinda grew on me. But “Adam’s” presence was way too strong, that I could not remember even one finalist’s from last year’s show?

And as we bid farewell, to the “guy” with the nasty “tongue”, we welcomed a singing diva on the panel of judges, together with Steven Tyler! How huge is that! Steven is not Simon, but he is Steven, a living legend. We love him. So, Simon might not be missed, at least not for now.

As the contestants were chosen from this year’s audition, I noticed many sailed through easily, compared to previous seasons. I can’t help to think whether the contestants this year were luckier, or the contestants in the previous seasons were just plain unlucky?

But having said that, Hollywood week saw some great performances for some of the front runners. And we could easily spot early favorites holding the torch!

And when the final 24 were chosen, I strongly believe they were best of the bunch. Will there be an Adam Lambert this year, for me? I really don’t know..

Last night, I patiently sat through the 12 performances from the guys. I am no music expert, but I know my groove. At this stage of the competition, no point trying to figure out who can sing, as that would be like.. ‘duhhhhhhh…”. The whole idea is to stand out! So who nailed the shot?

I need to point it out that; it’s a struggle for me to hear the performances. The music/band was way too loud that it kinda sucked most of the voices in. With Christian & Christi Ann, running all over the place, and my hands fixed on my knitting tools, and with my cats chasing each other, I would have to say, my personal favorites are

James Durbin
Reason: I see Adam in “him”
Points for the night: He nailed the song!
Cons: He screams a lot!




Robbie Rosen aka Aladdin
Reason: He was great during Hollywood week
Points for the night: None
Cons: He could have done better





Scotty Mccreery
Reason: He has “the” voice
Points for the night: He sticks to his genre
Cons: I think he will “shit bricks” if he does other than country

But reality bites, and these were what I heard.
1. Brett Loewenstern
Verdict: Forgettable. I don’t see it yet.
Top Five: Too much hype and media attention since the start, Likely

2. Casey Abrams
Verdict: Stand out. But there’s something about him, almost “arrogance”, I don’t know..
Top Five: Shoot me if he’s not!

3. Clint Jun Gamboa
Verdict: He can sing. But sadly, there were too much drama about him since Hollywood
Top Five: Sang his heart out, but lost on popularity card, Unlikely

4. Jacob Lusk
Verdict: Stand Out. He can probably make music from my history books!
Top Five: Shoot me if he’s not!

5. Jordan Dorsey
Verdict: Wrong song choice
Top Five: Blew his chance, unlikely

6. Jovany Barreto
Verdict: Forgettable
Top Five: Nothing to shout about, Unlikely

7. Paul McDonald
Verdict: Unique voice, and he has a star appeal
Top Five: Likely

8. Stefano Langone
Verdict: Cute but it’s neither here or there
Top Five: Maybe not

9. Tim Halperin
Verdict: Could have done better
Top Five: Maybe not

From the 12 finalists, America will vote for their top five, and the rest will have to try their luck in the wild card session next week.

Who will make it?
My prediction
1. Casey Abrams
2. Jacob Lusk
3. Brett or Paul
4. James Durbin
5. Scotty Mccreery

And since its 100% chosen by the viewers, hard to say what to expect! But AI is known for its drama too, and I think, there will be an “upset” in the results show, pushing a deserved finalist to the wild card session. Will have to wait and see. By the way, Stevie & Jen, what’s with the goody-goody comments, bring back Simon already!

Tonight, it’s the battle of the ladies. Will I be excited, no? Will I tune in, yes? Will I “bitch” about it tomorrow, MAYBE?

Between Fun & Responsibility

Someone was telling me that I ought to just stay in a bottle and close my lid for good, as my life deprived the magic word, spelled as FUN.

Honestly, he has a point, and although I hate admitting it, I won’t be denying it.

It’s probably a direct case of “upbringing”, myself, and the six colors of my rainbows, were not raised on silver spoon, and responsibility was probably the first word we had to memorised! And although, early choices was lacking in our lives, thanks to how we were built, internally, we are in our comfortable places of having a “say” in the many choices ahead of us, now. And as the Lord, continues to bless us with his kindness, and test our weaknesses, I sincerely hope, we will remain strong in our stand of being just who we are and what we are made of.

Having fun, to me is something that is so “foreign”. Its something that I could not experience truly, as I don’t regard it as a necessity in my life. I have got a million things to deal with, and although worries suck up the blood sooner than age, its not something that I could go without. Every single day, I plan. Planning is the key word that has taken the word fun completely out of my dictionary. To me, everything then, was how to become who I am now, and to me at present, is to plan on how to raise my two little angels and how to provide them with the best I could.

If you ask me, would I regret that I treat “fun” like a total stranger and would I look back, with regrets that I’ve never welcome it home, the answer would be a straight no. Sometimes, a decision may not come voluntarily, as it might be the best thing to do in certain scenarios, but as I embraced the role of a daughter, wife and mother, I accepted my fate of letting it go, for good.

No one can have it all, sacrifices are needed to pave way for other things that could be or not be, better, depending on how you see it, weigh it, and relates it to your priority lists. But right now, I am the most content person in the world, with my cup half full, but never half empty!

Chapter from my Form Five History Book : History may speak for itself, but can it spell the future?

I remember the days when I slaved myself for the sake of qualifying the merits, the standards, set by some academician, who may or may not be setting these merits based on the values of education itself, or perhaps according to the mould of the invisible and respective political interests.

And how I fret memorizing -the who, why, what, when & how. And now that I am in my mid 30s, I asked myself, where is the relevance of this? 20 years of my life, figuring out the 5 questions, right now, when I look back, all I could think of is-SO WHAT?

What is education really? And if you graduate from the highest degree with the highest merits, are you educated? And if so, what is the benchmark, could there be one, and should there be one?

Someone so dear, told me once- we are blessed with so many data, look left, look right, look ahead, and look behind, its full of it. Data that could be tangible to the mind, or intangible to the ears. And with a little effort, if we could make something out of these data, finding the zillions possibilities of its relation and correlations, we formed information. And when one, has been informed, we earned knowledge. And once we apply this knowledge with the help of a little experience, it will add on to our wisdom cap. If so, am I wiser now?

Education is to educate, it comes in many forms, in many levels, and through many sources. It teaches the most valuable lesson, its called discipline. Discipline to wait, to know, to learn, to adapt, to apply, to appreciate, it teaches us the values of the past, and it teaches us the lessons for the future. And how much can one apply this, depends entirely on one’s ability to digest, consume and understand its significance, and the success is evaluated based on the movement and reinvention of the mind, the soul, and the self in the social ladder of our so called man made community.

Similarly, what is language? If one speaks the Queen language with zero grammatical error, and perfect composition with a great accent, or is able to speak in the diversity of foreign languages, how would the person score? How many of us, actually sit back, and try to see language as it is, a tool, a mere tool, one of the tools to assist in communication. And what is communication? It is a passing of information/data in any format with the intention to inform. So, if a person speaks well, does it necessarily mean, he or she succeeds in using this tool to transmit what he needs to? And with visual multimedia accessories or high tech gadgets, does that make communication more effective than before? And if yes, who can guarantee the levels of understanding, or rather, how the targeted audience is able to digest the information, and how informed can they be? And lastly, would it make any difference to them? Would it help them? Harm them? Bring added value? Influence them? If none of these transpire, what do you call it? Failure in communication? Redundancies of data and information, lack of human touch to affect the communication?- I call it, ….A WASTE OF TIME!

In my closets, I have attires of all sorts. These were all chosen with the basic understanding of knowing who I am, in & out. It’s the result of my ability to understand, believe and accept my flaws, & my strengths. It doesn’t come in one day; it comes with years of experience and that final step, call- accepting,… accepting with courage. And it takes knowledge to decide which attire suits me most for different events. It’s a choice, like how everything is. And like how everything is, it’s a choice that will define who you are and sadly, what you are made of.

Today, I questioned myself, of how I truly understand the significance of May 13th, August 31st, or even, when some stranger called Parameswara sat on a tree, by the name of Malacca. And how I truly appreciate those who were involved in bringing the peace “home”, after each World War. And as I completely embrace the fact that history needs no justification, and how truly it can speak for itself, I am disappointed, how education, and the tools of communication may have failed to reach out, readjusted certain facts, or even misunderstood certain events, that would again, penalize the significance of history and its value, in the minds of the present and the future. And if history no longer spells the truth, would it become a true myth? Will the survival of the human race soon becomes the joke of a mere published literature?

Walk With Me...

I am reminiscing right now, the times when I was in my old office, and how perhaps, I have taken granted of my life there, the faces there, the stories there….I missed being apart of that, apart of a bigger group, a bigger organization… a bigger Family.

It’s odd that although I am no longer sitting there, the sense of familiarity is so overwhelming, that each return brings back lots of memories, and lots of emotion. Someone just told me, I am like a rainbow that they missed. Am I? :)

These are the faces who decorated my professional life for the last 9 years, and pretty much, have grown into a big part of me. These are the people that I cared for, and will always do. I may be foolish, as I may not be seen the way I wanted to, but this is not a trade, and I don’t need an affirmation. When I give, it’s with all that I have, and I treasure & nurture each one of these relationships, amidst all kinds of weather, in good and in bad, for both the journey and the destination.

If I could paint, I would paint a picture of these faces, in all kinds of colours. And what I hope is to bring a blend of harmony in them, and with it, the strength would penetrate deeply into the soul of the painting. It would be a remarkable gift. I am no Picasso, but if I could, God knows, I would. But again, wouldn’t that be dull? When something is so blended together, almost like the americanised melting pot, won’t that erase personalities, and create a kingdom where there could be no creativity, no excitement and no new discovery? And what is left to life, when these elements are absent? It would be plain, just a plain and a dull journey. Even thinking about it brings unexplainable pain to the mind, how can one live life where everything becomes so predictable, where every part of the world, is in the same colour, and people exist in uniformity of all senses.

Having said that, to what extent can we tolerate a person’s weakness and accept it as a common psychology impurity that is crucial to the overall development of one’s mind & soul? Interestingly, no one can work on perfection, as there is no room for improvement, and therefore, making every weakness, a desired opportunity, an important value to bring our steps higher if not better. But what if no one realizes this potential, and excuse it as a mere disorder of the mind?

It’s interesting that people are afraid of getting a fever. I, for one, freaks out whensoever , my two little angels caught the flu bug, tell me about it.. I’ve got like bottles of medicine, sitting at home, from fever to cough mixture, and from antibiotics to all kinds of allergy remedies. Then I thought, how many among us, realize it that, fever is a natural reaction towards an infection. It’s the way our body tells us that we are in biological danger and it’s the way, our body is telling us, to step up and do something about it! And if so, can every weakness be labeled the same? One may wonder?

This ship has since sailed on, moving towards a different journey and heading on another destination. And although, the trip looks promising and predictable, how can we say, it is when we hardly know, what’s in store for us tomorrow.

2011, will you be kinder to us?